Life

An Abandoned Prayer

The abandoned prayer lost in the shadows of silence,

Engulfed in the fire of a mind,

Few sacred words that none else shall hear,

Drowned in the sea of a conscience,

If these words should surface amongst the sand,

Washed by the waves of change,

Then treat them well and keep them safe,

Because you’ll never hear them again.

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Anniversary of my creation.

Today marks 18 years since I was finally rolled off the production line and shipped out to a loving family. I came with my software bugs and some hardware issues, but I’ve fought them head on and will continue to do so.

I might not be the most attractive model available, I might not have that much memory or processing speed, and even though I’m sometimes likely to crash and need a reboot, I know I can do anything if I put in the hard work and stop blogging at 1AM.

Even though I know they won’t see it I’d like every one who wished me a happy birthday that I’m truly grateful.

I hope you’re all having a good daytime cycle.

~James

RIP Chester Bennington

About 12 minutes ago my girlfriend texted me about the tragic timing of Linkin Park front man, Chester Bennington.

A man who I owe a big part of my life of music to. Linkin Park was one of the first bands I ever got in to as a kid, just having seen Transformers for the first time and having Linkin Park stuck in my head, I’d download their songs from sites continously onto my phone because I couldn’t afford CD’s but needed to feel like I had their music with me where I went.

It is said that Chester had committed suicide, from hanging himself. I think anyone reading this should be reminded that they are never alone and things will always get better if you let them.  The saddest part about suicide is that people do it when they feel there was no other option. Chester was a very successful, and very talented man, so whatever had brought this on must have been pretty heavy, He was also close with Chris Cornell of soundgarden, who took his own life in May.

He is said to have struggled for years with alcohol and drug abuse, and has talked in the past about suicide as a result of being a victim of abuse as a child.

-BBC

When somebody like this commits suicide, i think it’s always good to remind people that they’re never alone. If you feel that way, speak up about it, don’t be ashamed to ask for help because you’ll come out better. Suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse, suicide eliminates the chances of life getting better.

My heart goes out very deeply to Chester’s wife, his 6 children and an entire world of people who suffered the loss of a true legend.

All the best,
~James

Me and my stepdad.

So my mum has been seeing my stepdad for around 8 years now and it’s only in recent years I’ve realised exactly how much of a complete arsehole he is. He’s one of those people who EXPECTS you to do a job because he’s an adult and apparently that merits some kind of award and makes everyone under 18 his personal litter box to shit on.

He just demands respect from people not actually realising that respect doesn’t work that way, that’s not respect; it’s fear, the exact opposite. He’ll go on about how I can do half a job (but all of what he’s told me to do) and yet won’t even thank me for doing it. He’ll go on about “if I was in the real world” or “in a real job”, yeah well if I was in a real job I’d be getting paid and wouldn’t just be expected to do a job for someone I don’t even work for.

Today’s problem is my room, apparently. Because somehow it’s the bane of his existence if a room in a house he doesn’t even live in, isn’t up to his unrealistic minimalist standards.

The only reason I can think of that’d make him want me to clean my room is so his 2 braincells don’t get distracted when he barges in to tell me to do more jobs he won’t appreciate or thank me for.

This rant was brought to you by my tendency to express anger creatively rather than keeping it inside me.

Hope you’re all having wonderful days.

Major Arcana – An Album

After putting it off for a while I’ve finally decided to attempt writing a full album. I’ve decided it’s going to be made up of 8-10 tracks which will be demo-recorded and written at home, then mixed and mastered at college.

I’m aiming for kind of an emo/pop punk vibe mainly but with some less generic things added, taking influence from metal and djent genres for a couple of the heavier tracks. I might try and wiggle in some electronic and synthesised elements here and there but I highly doubt it would work unless I combined it with metal to make metal-core.

I decided to call the album major Arcana because I’m using the 22 major arcana cards in my deck of tarot cards to come up with lyrical ideas. At present I’m debating to either randomise the cards or think through the combinations, there are 22 major Arcana cards, if I wanted to use them all then I could either do,

  • 11 tracks (2 cards each)
  • 6 tracks (4 each)

This doesn’t sound practical at all so I’m probably going to use elements and meanings of each card somewhere in a track but perhaps some less pronounced than others, for example I could use the High Priestess Card for the most part of a song but use The Fool for lyrical ideas for a middle 8 of the song.

Why Tarot? I hear you not asking. Well, Tarot cards are described on www.thoughtco.com as the following;

Tarot cards are one of many forms of divination. They are commonly used to measure potential outcomes and evaluate influences surrounding a person, an event, or both.

With that being said, each and every Tarot card has a meaning, symbolism or a story you could possibly come up with regarding the graphic used. Here is an example;

Magician Tarot Card Meanings tarot card meaning

Card I (02/72) The Magician

The Magician is associated with the planet, Mercury and carries with it skill, logic, and intellect. The number of the Magician is one, the number of beginnings. The Magician is the bridge between the world of the spirit and the world of humanity.From biddytarot.com

A person can read as many books as they want about tarot, but the cards are mere tools for us to use as people. The true “magic” comes from us, the people who use them. You can assign your own meanings to tarot cards (within reason), as many people have different perspectives and outlooks on the symbolism used. The black cat sat under the queen of wands could mean bad luck looming to one person, or the taming of a persons misfortune to another. This makes the deck more personal and gives it a personal connection to the reader.

There is a remaining 50 cards left for the minor arcana section (72 cards total), and I will probably use them to generate lyrical meanings and ideas in the future, but for now I plan on keeping it simple and use the 22 most important cards in the Rider Waite Tarot Deck.

I’ll be sure to keep you guys up to date on what I do! I’ll probably post some samples and previews on here if I’m able to! I’m aiming to get this released next year so I’m pretty excited about this whole experience.

As always I hope you’re all well and I’ll see you guys later! x

~James

Apart

It’s okay to be not okay,

It’s okay to feel alone, 

It’s okay to miss her face,

When you’re a lifetime away from home.

It’s good to feel wanted,

Even better to feel welcome,

It’s normal to feel daunted,

When she’s with someone so handsome.

It’s great when you’re together,

It’s grey when you’re apart,

It’s great to spend our time forever,

Especially when we’re apart.

—* not sure if poetry is something I’m shy good at.

A blast with the past.

So my old school had a summer fair the other day, a great opportunity to meet the staff I knew and see some old friends. Before going I learned that my old band was performing as part of it. So I put my favourite guitar luck in my pocket just in case.
Like musical candy from the back of a nicely decorated white van, I gave in and asked if I could play with them again. At the risk of extending the metaphor beyond funny they were more than welcoming to invite me back in again.

I did have some videos but the sound quality from my girlfriends iPhone 4s was unable to encapsulate the sheer levels of tenacity being thrown out of our amps.*

*-that just sounds like I’m bigging up a shit band, we’re not bad I promise.

After a rather disappointing bus driver drove past me and my girlfriend we walked back to my school to ask if my old music tech teacher could give us a lift because he was heading that way. My old school is I’m the country side so busses are very few and far between, this was the latest bus I could take where I could take the next bus back to my house, so it goes without saying that this bus driver did make me particularly pissed off until the lift to town was sorted.

The car journey went inconveniently quickly, I had nowhere near enough time to catch up with probably one of the most inspirational People in my life. Without him I wouldn’t have ever considered music. It was essentially just talking about music, reminiscing about the past and discussing how my girlfriend’s cousin named her baby Kal-El after superman’s Kryptonian birth name. Which is just plain awesome there’s no pompous overblown analogy or metaphor to describe it.

Tomorrow I’m helping clear up an art exhibition and going for a drink with some friends after so I just bid you all goodnight for now and I hope you all are doing well for yourselves. 

Edit

Music Creates

As musicians we have a duty to entertain, reach out and touch the people who hear us, to create a euphoric escape or make a house into a home.

We listen to notes carefully, mindfully picking notes with delicacy like sacred fruit from a musical tree.

But more often than not its the music that creates, not us. We are but messengers who convey the sounds that enter the canals that lead to your heart. Nothing more than the ones who write the words on paper for a letter you recieve.

But this is better than a letter, letters are plain and simple, you know what they mean and there’s nothing more to them, not music.

Music is open to interpretation, music can mean one thing to one person and another to the next.

Music creates escape, music creates goodness as well as evil. Music creates idols whom we worship with each listen, it creates a door which opens up into worlds we’d never dream of.

We might make the music, but the music makes you.

James Thomas

It’s too late for this stuff.

It’s currently 23:25, I’ve just eaten a cheese and mustard sandwich and I’ve got a cup of green tea so strong it could most likely corrode metal and forge gold rings imbued with the detoxing powers of all the tea you can get for £3.89. I really don’t want to drink this. It’s just sitting there with it’s putrid green, leafy eyes, begging to venture down my throat and cleanse me with it’s magical power, which I am very disrespectfully, giving a miss.

By my own morals and best attempt at self caring – I should not be this awake this late. I just want to make more music and draw but my bed is yearning for me, like the warm comforting hand of sleep rocking me in a relaxing 6/8 rhythm.

I think my ADHD is getting the better of me, today I’ve gone from making metal on one software  to House in the other, I’ve removed the NY from a snapback for being too mainstream, gone to buy Monster, played on my xbox for like 20 minutes and watched Peep Show. Admittedly this information is all as you say, bollocks, but I felt like posting something, so Merry Early Christmas.

~James x

Useless monologue.

I think my stress levels are going down, possibly. But at the same time I think I’m one small crisis away from becoming a Hollywood-style angry teen who deals with his problems by using the art of interpretative dance.

Someone should definitely turn this into a movie, or perhaps a book. I could have Elijah Wood play me and have Nicolas Cage as the main antagonist. Michael Bae could produce it too, maybe.
Now that I think about it… a book would be better.

My unintelligent friend Corran put this idea into my head in one of his headstrong attempts at being wise and moderately funny. But lately it has become a rather touching subject over the dinner table. Accompanied by my parents forever disappointed faces glaring at me like those floodlights you have on football pitches. I don’t even see why, it’s not as though people even play football on those bloody things in the first place. It’s just full of drug addicted hooligans and sweet wrappers. Apart from all of this, it seems that I’ve been making more music as of lately, so that’s pretty nice. I’m currently working on my second instalment of my cliché, generic pop punk project thing. I could be the Rick Astley of punk.

I’m not sure if that’s a good thing…

Even so, good ole Dick Spatsley was very successful and his new album wasn’t terrible, so I guess those are two good things about him. I’m debating calling this guy I don’t like at college Rick Astley, because that dude is never gonna give up making my life a misery.

Let’s call this guy Gerald.

Gerald enjoys making my life hell by constantly making comments about me to people on my course with no good reason, despite the fact I have genuinely disturbing things I’ve been told about him, those are my Nuclear Launch Codes so to speak, I heard a particularly Juicy rumour about him, another guy and feet. I think that’s all I can stomach of that conversation for now.

I guess the moral of the story is always “If you’re not dead there’s no point questioning the world around you because there will always be someone who’ll want to make your life a living hell”.