An Abandoned Prayer

The abandoned prayer lost in the shadows of silence,

Engulfed in the fire of a mind,

Few sacred words that none else shall hear,

Drowned in the sea of a conscience,

If these words should surface amongst the sand,

Washed by the waves of change,

Then treat them well and keep them safe,

Because you’ll never hear them again.

Anniversary of my creation.

Today marks 18 years since I was finally rolled off the production line and shipped out to a loving family. I came with my software bugs and some hardware issues, but I’ve fought them head on and will continue to do so.

I might not be the most attractive model available, I might not have that much memory or processing speed, and even though I’m sometimes likely to crash and need a reboot, I know I can do anything if I put in the hard work and stop blogging at 1AM.

Even though I know they won’t see it I’d like every one who wished me a happy birthday that I’m truly grateful.

I hope you’re all having a good daytime cycle.

~James

So about those old people, huh?

I think we need to interact with old people more. For one it might change their thoughts on us rotten kids, secondly they hold a whole world of knowledge that you just can’t find on the internet.

Old people are like a past generation Google but for experience rather than knowledge. You can learn so much from our older generation, whenever I can I’ll ask my grandad what life was like after the war when he was growing up, he might not remember all of it but it’s interesting to hear his stories.

I’d much rather hear war stories and memories of other people than play them in unrealistic recreations in games.* I don’t think we give enough thought to what life was like before our times when such monumental events took place before we were even thought of.

Personally I’d have LOVED to have been around for the big dirty punk movement of the 70’s and 80’s, but I can get a pretty close approximation of how it must have felt by talking to someone who lived through it from different perspectives. Your mom and dad would probably see these events much more differently to their parents.

Admittedly old people can be a little bit racist, homophobic and very questionable on certain similar issues, so don’t take everything they say as gospel if you’re one of the people whose grandad has an interesting opinion on “the Blacks” or “the gays”, I recommend talking about something else before he goes into another 3 hour rant about immigration.

*- yes Call of Duty, I’m looking at you.

Overall, I think our elders deserve a lot more credit and appreciation, but I’m just a big fan of stories, so that’s just me.

Hope you’re all having a great Saturday, 

~James 

RIP Chester Bennington

About 12 minutes ago my girlfriend texted me about the tragic timing of Linkin Park front man, Chester Bennington.

A man who I owe a big part of my life of music to. Linkin Park was one of the first bands I ever got in to as a kid, just having seen Transformers for the first time and having Linkin Park stuck in my head, I’d download their songs from sites continously onto my phone because I couldn’t afford CD’s but needed to feel like I had their music with me where I went.

It is said that Chester had committed suicide, from hanging himself. I think anyone reading this should be reminded that they are never alone and things will always get better if you let them.  The saddest part about suicide is that people do it when they feel there was no other option. Chester was a very successful, and very talented man, so whatever had brought this on must have been pretty heavy, He was also close with Chris Cornell of soundgarden, who took his own life in May.

He is said to have struggled for years with alcohol and drug abuse, and has talked in the past about suicide as a result of being a victim of abuse as a child.

-BBC

When somebody like this commits suicide, i think it’s always good to remind people that they’re never alone. If you feel that way, speak up about it, don’t be ashamed to ask for help because you’ll come out better. Suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse, suicide eliminates the chances of life getting better.

My heart goes out very deeply to Chester’s wife, his 6 children and an entire world of people who suffered the loss of a true legend.

All the best,
~James

Me and my stepdad.

So my mum has been seeing my stepdad for around 8 years now and it’s only in recent years I’ve realised exactly how much of a complete arsehole he is. He’s one of those people who EXPECTS you to do a job because he’s an adult and apparently that merits some kind of award and makes everyone under 18 his personal litter box to shit on.

He just demands respect from people not actually realising that respect doesn’t work that way, that’s not respect; it’s fear, the exact opposite. He’ll go on about how I can do half a job (but all of what he’s told me to do) and yet won’t even thank me for doing it. He’ll go on about “if I was in the real world” or “in a real job”, yeah well if I was in a real job I’d be getting paid and wouldn’t just be expected to do a job for someone I don’t even work for.

Today’s problem is my room, apparently. Because somehow it’s the bane of his existence if a room in a house he doesn’t even live in, isn’t up to his unrealistic minimalist standards.

The only reason I can think of that’d make him want me to clean my room is so his 2 braincells don’t get distracted when he barges in to tell me to do more jobs he won’t appreciate or thank me for.

This rant was brought to you by my tendency to express anger creatively rather than keeping it inside me.

Hope you’re all having wonderful days.

Major Arcana – An Album

After putting it off for a while I’ve finally decided to attempt writing a full album. I’ve decided it’s going to be made up of 8-10 tracks which will be demo-recorded and written at home, then mixed and mastered at college.

I’m aiming for kind of an emo/pop punk vibe mainly but with some less generic things added, taking influence from metal and djent genres for a couple of the heavier tracks. I might try and wiggle in some electronic and synthesised elements here and there but I highly doubt it would work unless I combined it with metal to make metal-core.

I decided to call the album major Arcana because I’m using the 22 major arcana cards in my deck of tarot cards to come up with lyrical ideas. At present I’m debating to either randomise the cards or think through the combinations, there are 22 major Arcana cards, if I wanted to use them all then I could either do,

  • 11 tracks (2 cards each)
  • 6 tracks (4 each)

This doesn’t sound practical at all so I’m probably going to use elements and meanings of each card somewhere in a track but perhaps some less pronounced than others, for example I could use the High Priestess Card for the most part of a song but use The Fool for lyrical ideas for a middle 8 of the song.

Why Tarot? I hear you not asking. Well, Tarot cards are described on www.thoughtco.com as the following;

Tarot cards are one of many forms of divination. They are commonly used to measure potential outcomes and evaluate influences surrounding a person, an event, or both.

With that being said, each and every Tarot card has a meaning, symbolism or a story you could possibly come up with regarding the graphic used. Here is an example;

Magician Tarot Card Meanings tarot card meaning

Card I (02/72) The Magician

The Magician is associated with the planet, Mercury and carries with it skill, logic, and intellect. The number of the Magician is one, the number of beginnings. The Magician is the bridge between the world of the spirit and the world of humanity.From biddytarot.com

A person can read as many books as they want about tarot, but the cards are mere tools for us to use as people. The true “magic” comes from us, the people who use them. You can assign your own meanings to tarot cards (within reason), as many people have different perspectives and outlooks on the symbolism used. The black cat sat under the queen of wands could mean bad luck looming to one person, or the taming of a persons misfortune to another. This makes the deck more personal and gives it a personal connection to the reader.

There is a remaining 50 cards left for the minor arcana section (72 cards total), and I will probably use them to generate lyrical meanings and ideas in the future, but for now I plan on keeping it simple and use the 22 most important cards in the Rider Waite Tarot Deck.

I’ll be sure to keep you guys up to date on what I do! I’ll probably post some samples and previews on here if I’m able to! I’m aiming to get this released next year so I’m pretty excited about this whole experience.

As always I hope you’re all well and I’ll see you guys later! x

~James

Apart

It’s okay to be not okay,

It’s okay to feel alone, 

It’s okay to miss her face,

When you’re a lifetime away from home.

It’s good to feel wanted,

Even better to feel welcome,

It’s normal to feel daunted,

When she’s with someone so handsome.

It’s great when you’re together,

It’s grey when you’re apart,

It’s great to spend our time forever,

Especially when we’re apart.

—* not sure if poetry is something I’m shy good at.

A blast with the past.

So my old school had a summer fair the other day, a great opportunity to meet the staff I knew and see some old friends. Before going I learned that my old band was performing as part of it. So I put my favourite guitar luck in my pocket just in case.
Like musical candy from the back of a nicely decorated white van, I gave in and asked if I could play with them again. At the risk of extending the metaphor beyond funny they were more than welcoming to invite me back in again.

I did have some videos but the sound quality from my girlfriends iPhone 4s was unable to encapsulate the sheer levels of tenacity being thrown out of our amps.*

*-that just sounds like I’m bigging up a shit band, we’re not bad I promise.

After a rather disappointing bus driver drove past me and my girlfriend we walked back to my school to ask if my old music tech teacher could give us a lift because he was heading that way. My old school is I’m the country side so busses are very few and far between, this was the latest bus I could take where I could take the next bus back to my house, so it goes without saying that this bus driver did make me particularly pissed off until the lift to town was sorted.

The car journey went inconveniently quickly, I had nowhere near enough time to catch up with probably one of the most inspirational People in my life. Without him I wouldn’t have ever considered music. It was essentially just talking about music, reminiscing about the past and discussing how my girlfriend’s cousin named her baby Kal-El after superman’s Kryptonian birth name. Which is just plain awesome there’s no pompous overblown analogy or metaphor to describe it.

Tomorrow I’m helping clear up an art exhibition and going for a drink with some friends after so I just bid you all goodnight for now and I hope you all are doing well for yourselves. 

Edit

My Problem with Fidget spinners.

I’m starting to get really sick of this trend now.

I have no personal problems with fidget spinners, but they’re essentially the same thing as Pokemon go. Where people who bullied me all though my school years for playing Pokemon all started getting into it when it became a trend. The same goes for fidget spinners. The same people who will look down on me for having autism, ADHD and anxiety are now suddenly into this new trend with no actual realisation or appreciation for their actual origins and use. These were originally for those with learning difficulties, I have no problem with people using them because well Ketamine is for horses and look how that plays out. The problem I have now is that if I use a fidget spinner, to most people I’m only using it for a trend and to try and be cool, not because I’m genuinely in need of something like this in order to pay attention or relieve anxiety.

 

This was mainly just a rant, I hope you’re all having good days.